


Head Above Water

by justrae2010



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Depression, Exhaustion, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 06:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13117959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justrae2010/pseuds/justrae2010
Summary: Victor had no milk.He needed milk, he told himself, as he sat on the couch in his apartment, staring at the smooth wood of his coffee table, eyes following the straight, intricate markings of the woodwork. Milk was important. Tea, crepes, eggs, cereal, coffee - all everyday things he needed, all things that needed milk. Milk which he did not have. Milk was important. He needed to get milk.It had been the same mantra he’d been repeating to himself for the last six hours.Because even living legends suffer depression.





	Head Above Water

**Author's Note:**

> Short drabble about some of the things I struggle with when I'm left alone with my depressive demons and wonder if Victor does too. Not terribly cheery for Christmas, but ... meh, it's important ;n;

Victor had no milk.

He needed milk, he told himself, as he sat on the couch in his apartment, staring at the smooth wood of his coffee table, eyes following the straight, intricate markings of the woodwork. Milk was important. Tea, crepes, eggs, cereal, coffee - all everyday things he needed, all things that needed milk. Milk which he did not have. Milk was important. He needed to get milk.

It had been the same mantra he’d been repeating to himself for the last six hours.

Outside, the sun had long sank in the wintry afternoon, darkness staring at him through the open blinds. He hadn’t closed them yet. Half because he knew that if he did, there would be no way in hell he would leave his apartment after winding it down for the night.

But mostly because the thought of getting up from the couch just seemed so  _ exhausting.  _

He hadn’t eaten.

He hadn’t drank.

Hell, he hadn’t even gone to the bathroom in that six hours, glued to the seat of his couch, switching from flicking through his phone to watching pointless YouTube videos on his laptop.

His throat hurt. His bladder hurt. His stomach hurt from being empty all day. His ass hurt from sitting down too long. His head hurt from the lack of sunlight. His eyes hurt from lying awake in bed until 4am.

None of it was enough to get him up from that couch though, sat and suffering too willingly because the thought of the alternative was just unbearable.

The store was less than a ten minute walk. That was the worst part. If Victor walked to the end of his apartment complex he would be able to  _ see  _ the corner shop down the street. It was that close. It wasn’t far. He would be back before he knew it. He was a professional athlete, for heaven’s sake - why did a walk to the store feel so hard? 

He needed Makkachin.

If Makkachin was there, he would have no choice but to get up. He would be obliged as a responsible dog owner to take him out. It broke the day up at little at least.

He needed Yuuri.

If Yuuri was here, perhaps he wouldn’t be so much in his own head. He would have at least somebody else to follow around even if he didn’t have his own routine. 

But Victor had neither, because Yuuri was in Japan for nationals and Makkachin had stayed there with him, waiting for when Victor’s competition was over and he would fly right back over to join them. 

If he didn’t die on his couch of lethargy in the meantime... 

His head hung, silver bangs falling forward over his eyes. Silver, greasy bangs. He hadn’t showered that morning. He just hadn’t been able to find the energy.

He didn’t know what to do.

His eyes pressed shut, heartbeat traitorously slow and steady in his chest. It send a wash of cold running over him, lip quivering - no tears came though. Not even when he tried. His eyelashes fluttered, turning to the ceiling, thinking of his old, dead grandmother who he missed, or Yuuri crying, or his hair falling out… nothing. His head dropped into his hands. He couldn’t even cry anymore! Couldn’t even get upset.

Somehow, that was even worse than screaming and bawling.

The thoughts bubbled beneath his skin but his heart ran calm, face relaxing in defeat. His eyes settled dead, cheeks falling heavier on his face than he remembered.

The pull of gravity just dug him deeper into the cushion of the couch. 

**Author's Note:**

> Keep tabs on my tumblr [here](https://justrae2010.tumblr.com/) and check out my other YOI fics [here](http://archiveofourown.org/users/justrae2010/pseuds/justrae2010)
> 
> Please drop a comment before you go !
> 
> Hope you liked it!


End file.
